Digimon Abridged
by Seska1729
Summary: Part of the Omniverse Event. A lethal virtual universe, dimensional rifts, and snarky computer programs. Just bloody typical.
1. 1x01: And So It Begins

The first thing Tal noticed when she woke up was that she had no idea where she was.

The second thing was that she didn't know who she was, either. She remembered her name and that was it.

Oh, look! Over there... wait, what?

A small pink blob was tackling an apparently unconsious human child. Tal darted over and rapidly felt for a pulse, and was relieved to find one. (She wasn't sure how she knew to do that.)

Roughly five seconds later, the kid bolted up and coughed up water.

"Gaaaaaaaaah, who the hell are you?"

"I could ask you the same thing, kid," Tal replied.

"Name's Tai. You?"

"Tal Celes."

"Nice name. _Hey, what's the pink blob?_ "

Tal groaned and turned toward the blob. "You heard him."

"Hi Tai! I'm Koromon, and I'm your partner!" the blob (now identified as Koromon) cheerfully said.

"How the hell do you know my name?"

"I told you, I'm your partner!"

"That doesn't answer my question!"

"Can we just calm down and tell me who I am?" Tal suggested.

Koromon scrutinized the girl. "Nah, never seen you before."

"Hey Tai. You have one too?" a new, vaguely British voice said.

Tal turned around. The voice belonged to a spiky-haired ginger kid. Another pink blob was floating at his side.

"Motimon at your service, sir," the other blob said.

"So, what exactly are you?" Izzy asked.

"We're digimon - digital monsters," Koromon supplied.

"So, this is a virtual universe?" Tal queried.

"Pretty much, yeah," Motimon replied.

Just then, a large red _something_ flew over their heads.

" _What the hell was that?_ " Tai and Tal simultaneously yelled.

"That's a Kuwagamon, a rather violent digimon. Run!" a slightly panicked Motimon yelled.

"You die in the Matrix, you die," Izzy muttered. "Just bloody _brilliant_."

The rampant Kuwagamon circled again - and thrashed backwards, flying away.

Everyone turned to look at the source of the blast.

The source was a human female, ginger, wearing a black shirt, dark grey shorts, and a vibrant, thirty-foot scarf. She held a futuristic-seeming handgun with status lights on the sides, and a small pink digimon with a blue set of leaves at the top stood at her side.

The status lights went out. The girl shook the gun vigorously, before tossing it over her head and muttering, "Out of charge."

"Nice shot, Sora," Tai complimented.

"That's two minutes. We need a new plan," Sora muttered.

A blonde kid sulked in, an orange digimon with a horn on its forehead at his side. Another, much younger, blonde kid wearing a green motorcycle helmet with a blue something at the front walked in with a light pink, quadrupedal digimon at his side.

"Chill, Matt," the younger kid said. "You have to admit, being in a large computer program is cool."

"Shut up Takeru."

And that was when a blocky portal appeared in the sky and a brown-haired woman fell out.

"Where am I?" she asked.

"You're on File Island," the quadrupedal pink digimon stated cheerily.

"I need a drink," she groaned, and passed out.

Tai glanced at Tal.

A girl with brown hair and a large bag slung over her shoulder walked in. A green digimon walked at her side.

" _Allons-y_ everyone. What's the large red Mandibug?"

Before anyone could respond, a shrill scream erupted.

A kid with blue hair was frantically running from a small brown digimon.

"Th-th-this thing, it's at-t-t-tacking me..." the kid stuttered.

The girl with the bag rolled her eyes, and tripped the blue-haired kid.

The Kuwagamon, meanwhile, got up and started circling again.

"Just great," the bag girl groaned. "Terrace-2-3."

Sora kicked the still-unconscious woman from the portal. Her eyes opened slowly.

She got up, and blinked. "Oh."

A blue digimon that looked like a flying pig tackled Tal. "I saw there was an extra tamer, so I'm your partner now!"

"There's two extras," the portal girl pointed out.

The blue digimon blinked. "Oh. Well, I'll partner to the pretty one!" With that, the digimon tackled the portal girl.

The portal girl and the bag girl then, in perfect imitation of the Eleventh Doctor, complained:

" _The pretty one?_ "

"Uh, should we introduce ourselves yet?" Tai asked.

"Go for it," Tal replied.

"Okay. My name's Tai Kamiya. I got sucked here through a portal in some summer camp I don't know the name of."

"Matt Ishida. Same portal."

"Sora Takenouchi. General madwoman, can't say so much about the box though. Favorite programming language is Python 3. You haven't heard of it, because it won't be released until 2008. Some guy who chats as 'unleashedGenesis' sent me the installer file," Sora stated.

* * *

 _Sora's laptop beeped._

 _Muttering something along the lines of 'stupid idiot troll,' she opened the lid and sat down._

====== #unleashedgenesis via irc . trollian . net ======

[gallifreyanRadiance] You again.

[unleashedGenesis] ye5, me.

[unleashedGenesis] i under5tand you have expre55ed intere5t in the python project

[gallifreyanRadiance] Who are you and what do you want?

[unleashedGenesis] i am a troll who played a game.

[unleashedGenesis] that i5 all you need to know.

[unleashedGenesis] a5 for the 5econd que5tion, i would like to give you 5omething.

[gallifreyanRadiance] I'm listening...

[unleashedGenesis] open a brow5er and go to, no 5pace5, 54 . 230 . 44 . 81

[gallifreyanRadiance] I'm in. Now what?

[unleashedGenesis] click on the file labeled, no 5pace5, python_3_4_0_x86 . msi

[unleashedGenesis] thi5 will download the in5taller file for python 3-4-0.

[gallifreyanRadiance] You expect me to download a mysterious file for a version of a programming language that doesn't exist yet?

[unleashedGenesis] 5can it with your primitive human antiviru5.

[gallifreyanRadiance] . . . it's clean. Now what?

[unleashedGenesis] in5tall it. you may find it quite helpful on your journey5.

====== unleashedGenesis left the room ======

====== gallifreyanRadiance [you] left the room ======

 _Sora closed the IRC window, downloaded the installer, and went through the setup process._

* * *

"Mimi Tachikawa, extreme gamer. I was also contacted by unleashedGenesis. He/she/xe sent me an interdimensional proxy program, through which I can access another universe's 2015. Oh, and my Twitch handle is recklessren42," the bag girl introduced.

* * *

 _Mimi's laptop made a klaxon sound._

 _Groaning, she sat down and opened the lid._

====== #unleashedgenesis via irc . trollian . net ======

[remembranceDaleks] WHAT DO YOU WANT THIS TIME?!

[unleashedGenesis] 5tay calm. i would like to provide you with an interdimen5ional proxy program.

[remembranceDaleks] What exactly does that mean?

[unleashedGenesis] there'5 more than ju5t one univer5e.

[unleashedGenesis] there are infinite timeline5 5prawling acro55 the omniver5e.

[unleashedGenesis] thi5 program allow5 you to access the planetary network of another univer5e, in the earth year +2015.

[remembranceDaleks] So, the program assigns me an IP on another universe's WAN?

[unleashedGenesis] preci5ely.

[unleashedGenesis] open your primitive early http client.

[unleashedGenesis] go to, no 5pace5, 192 . 30 . 252 . 128.

[unleashedGenesis] download, no 5pace5, proxy . 8912561204 . x86 . msi

[remembranceDaleks] Done. Install yet?

[unleashedGenesis] ye5.

[unleashedGenesis] i hope you find thi5 program helpful.

====== unleashedGenesis left the room ======

====== remembranceDaleks [you] left the room ======

* * *

The portal girl blinked. "Hey, aren't you the one who streamed a no-death run of the Kaizo trilogy?"

"That was me."

"Cool. Anyway, my name's Susie Derkins. A bit of an anomaly. I was just in my universe, the one whose internet you can access with that proxy program. Now I'm in yours. I have no idea how that portal showed up." And then something clicked. "Wait, Sora, you said Python 3 hasn't been released yet?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"When am I?"

"March 8th, 1999."

Susie blinked. "Just. Bloody. Brilliant."

A pause.

Izzy broke the silence. "Izzy Izumi. General oddity. I have no idea what 'the Kaizo trilogy' is, but it sounds like there's more than a bit of time travel involved."

"My name is Tal Celes, and that is all I know," Tal supplied.

The blue-haired kid introduced himself next. "My name is Joe Kido. This 'virtual universe' stuff is making my head spin."

"My name is Takeru Takaishi. I'm sulky here's half-brother. This virtual universe is completely brilliant," Takeru stated. "Oh and don't call me TK. I _hate_ that stupid goddamn name."

The digimon introduced themselves next. "Hi! We're Koromon,"

"Motimon,"

"Yokomon," Sora's partner introduced,

"Tanemon," the green one stated,

"Tsunomon," the horned orange one stated,

"Tokomon," the quadrupedal one said,

"Bukamon," Joe's partner introduced,

"and Tsukaimon," Susie's de facto partner completed.

And that was when the Kuwagamon clamped its pincers.

"In here!" Motimon yelled, and dragged everyone into a holographic tree. "It's called a hiding tree."

Kuwagamon swooped by again.

"We have to fight that thing!" Koromon shouted.

Susie pretty much lost it. "Are you mad? There is no reasonable way seven In-Trainings and a Rookie, or eight Rookies for that matter, can get rid of a Champion!"

"In 95% probability, we won't be able to pull it off," Motimon replied. "The 5% probability is what we're worked up about."

Then everyone except the humans and Tsukaimon charged.

* * *

"Koromon digivolve to... AGUMON!"

"Tsunomon digivolve to... GABUMON!"

"Yokomon digivolve to... BIYOMON!"

"Tanemon digivolve to... PALMON!"

"Motimon digivolve to... TENTOMON!"

"Bukamon digivolve to... GOMAMON!"

"Tokomon digivolve to... PATAMON!"

* * *

Susie stood up. "I don't know about you guys, but I have had enough running for one day! Tsukaimon, how big of an acid bubble can you make?"

"I can give you a 1.5-metre radius. Why?"

"Wait until Kuwagamon goes by, and hit him in the eye with it."

"Understood, sir!"

As predicted, Kuwagamon swooped by. Tsukaimon shrieked "ACID BUBBLE!" and hit Kuwagamon with the bubble.

The enemy digimon was knocked back, then resumed circling.

Sora yelled, "With Kaizo, you don't solve the level when you hit the goal, you solve it when you realize, 'ohhh, I have to take that P-Switch from earlier and drag it all the way here so I can spin jump up a staircase of coins and avoid the chompers.'"

"Why are you reminding us that?" Mimi shouted back.

"Because I just found our P-Switch!" she shrieked.

Sora ran over to the cliff face and jumped.

"SORA, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Tai shouted.

* * *

On the cliff face, Sora was hanging, unfazed, from the Fourth Doctor scarf around her wrist.

She kicked off her shoes - she wouldn't be needing those.

As she felt for a hold, she muttered, "God, I hope this works."

* * *

Tai leaned over. "What the hell _is_ she doing?"

"No clue," Susie replied.

* * *

Sora turned to her right, and felt for another hold.

She slowly shifted her mass to the new hold.

She repeated this process, faster and faster, until she was essentially running along the cliff face.

* * *

Staring at this, Izzy muttered, "Sora, you bloody GENIUS!"

Sora started waving her arms and shouting.

" _ **THERE ARE WORLDS OUT THERE WHERE THE SKY IS BURNING! WHERE THE SEA'S ASLEEP AND THE RIVERS DREAM! PEOPLE MADE OF SMOKE, AND CITIES MADE OF SONG! SOMEWHERE THERE'S DANGER! SOMEWHERE THERE'S INJUSTICE! AND SOMEWHERE ELSE THE TEA'S GETTING COLD!**_ "

As she reached the height of her path, she finished:

"Come on Ace. We've got work to do."

Sora ran the full length of the path and jumped, tearing the scarf off of the crevice it was attached to. As she got close to Kuwagamon, she thrust her foot forward and impacted a small black protrusion.

Kuwagamon roared, reared, and exploded. A black gear flew out of its stomach.

"Swarm your stupid fishes in 3... 2... 1..." Susie stated.

Sora grabbed the gear.

Gomamon concentrated. Thousands of pixelated fishes generated in midair, and swarmed towards Sora.

* * *

Sora hit the ground and rolled right, exactly as a swarm of pixelated fishes veered to her left. She whooped with exhiliaration while the swarm dissolved to reveal eight humans and eight digimon.

"You are BRILLIANT!" Izzy shrieked.

"How did you know that would work?" Tai asked.

"Simple. At one point when that Kuwagamon went by, I noticed it had a black protrusion. I figured if I hit it, I could deal a lot of damage very fast. The rest of it, the Ace speech, was just me trying to get its attention, so when I jumped, I could kick the protrusion."

"You are BRILLIANT!" Izzy repeated.

"Uh, could we stop repeating how brilliant she is and try to at least set up camp?" Takeru pointed out.


	2. 1x02: Holy 2001

_DAY 2_

Susie woke up.

The first thing she thought was, _Why exactly am I sleeping on the ground, in a small river?_

The next thing was, _Oh. Right. This._

Susie stood up, and gently attempted to wake Tal.

The result, as it turned out, was that Tal gave Susie a hard slap, and went back to sleep.

Susie muttered to herself, "So I'm in an unfamiliar alternate universe with an amnesiac Bajoran and some snarky computer programs. Mm-hmm. I feel confident this day could not get any worse."

The universe, as Susie was about to find out, loves this sentence. It will go to great lengths to screw with people who utter it.

Translation: A Digivice fell from the sky and hit Susie in the head.

Susie groaned, rolled over, and noticed that Tal, somehow, also had one.

Susie slapped Tal.

Tal groaned, opened her eyes, attempted to sit up, failed, and muttered "What was that for?"

"Easiest way to get you to wake up," Susie said. "Come on. We should probably get moving."

Izzy, who was apparently gone doing something, rushed back, rapidly kicked/slapped/ran over everyone, and said, "Guys, I think you should see this."

* * *

"Phone booths?" Sora inquired.

"Yes. Phone booths," Izzy replied.

"I'm beginning to think the developers were on an LSD trip," Takeru stated.

"Let's see if they were. There's nine phone booths."

* * *

Tai went into one of the booths, and dialed the number for his apartment.

"Hello, Mom?"

A cool computerized voice answered. " _At the tone, the time will be forty-two kilometres per hour and ninety seconds._ "

"Either I called the wrong number, or Mom's flipped," Tai noted.

* * *

Sora entered booth five, and dialed 07700 900461.

A vaguely Irish voice answered. " _You are not The Sisko. Go away, and stop calling us._ "

The line ended.

"How did I call the Bajoran Wormhole?" Sora muttered.

* * *

Izzy entered booth four.

The response was rather odd. Read: the booth played "What Is Love" by Haddaway on a volume that could probably be heard for kilometres. And this was without him even dialing anything.

"Just. Bloody. Brilliant," Izzy muttered.

* * *

Matt entered another booth, and dialed 496 730 482 556 00.

" _This number_ _only exists in your imagination. Don't call back._ "

The phone blew up.

* * *

Tal entered booth nine, and dialed 74205.

Another cool computerized voice said, " _Please go outside and whistle at koi to recharge._ "

Tal shook the phone.

" _Go please whistle recharge koi at to and outside._ "

* * *

Mimi dialed 0000 0000.

"Hello?"

" _On the fields of Trenzalore, at the fall of the eleventh, where no man can lie or fail to answer, a question will be asked, a question that must never, ever be answered: Doctor who?_ "

The line ended.

* * *

Joe dialed 999. The phone just blew up.

* * *

Takeru also dialed 999. His phone also blew up.

* * *

"I guess it's up to me then," Susie groaned.

She entered the only remaining booth, and dialed 0118 999 881 999 119 725 3.

This time, it actually rang.

After about thirty seconds, a voice said, " _IT. This is UlforceVeedramon, how may I help you?_ "

Susie yelled, "Guys, I think you should come over here."

* * *

"So what exactly are these small blue devices we have?" Izzy inquired.

" _They're called Digivices. They assist digivolution,_ " UlforceVeedramon explained.

"And what exactly is digivolution?"

Agumon cut in. "It's the process by which we advance in level."

" _Exactly._ "

"How did we get here, and why us?" Sora asked.

" _I have no idea why you in particular were chosen. You got here through an area portal. It's a region of real space-time that a master program links to a specific spot in the Digital World. As for the other two, we don't know how you got here, or why. Susie, you say you went from your universe directly into the Digital World?_ "

"That pretty much sums it up."

" _I don't know how._ "

"Just brilliant."

" _We did give you digivices, though. Might as well make something out of your presence._ "

"Okay, so can I get a partner then?" Tal asked.

" _Sort of. Yes, you can have one. No, I can't assign you one,_ " UlforceVeedramon replied. " _By the way, can you please all place your Digivices in front of the phone booth?_ "

They complied. "Done."

" _Okay, press the left button, the one closest to the antenna, and hold out your digivices to this phone booth._ "

They did so, and were surprised to find that the phone booth split in nine, and absorbed into the Digivices.

" _This should be a lot easier than lugging a phone booth around every time you want to contact me,_ " UlforceVeedramon said.

* * *

 _DAY 3  
_

Susie woke up, and slapped Tal.

"What did you do that for?" Tal groaned.

"Easiest way to wake you up. Come on."

"Didn't any of you bring some coffee? Or cordrazine, for that matter?"

Susie laughed. "Come on."

"Okay, fine. Just let me do something first."

* * *

"Can you please hold your digivices out towards the laptop?"

"What's this about?" Izzy queried.

"Just do it."

They complied.

"Now, hit the button labeled _SCAN_ twice."

Upon complying, they found that doing so led to a system update screen.

"Now press _DOWNLOAD_."

They did so. Their digivices flashed twice, and appeared to restart.

"That patch file should give you the ability to turn into digimon."

Beat.

"Okay, now what?"

"You should be able to activate the new feature by yelling 'bio charge' followed by the level keyword. The level keywords are 'activate,' 'overload,' 'overdrive,' and 'hyperdrive.'"

The universe, as you should probably know by now, has a horrible sense of timing. Something always happens when you really, really, really aren't prepared.

In this case, said sense of timing manifested as an unearthly screech.

"Okay, what the hell was that?"

 **TORTOMON**

 **Level: Champion  
Attribute: Vaccine**

 **Attacks:  
Strong Carapace - Launches a piece of its shell.  
Spinning Attack - Exactly what it says on the bin.  
Grand Dash - Basically kicks the opponent. At high speed.  
**

"What the hell just happened?"

"It appears our digivices projected an information screen on top of our normal vision," Izzy stated.

"Okay. Let's fight this stupid thing already," Sora suggested.

Tortomon slammed forward.

For no apparent reason, Tai's digivice glowed.

* * *

"Agumon digivolve to..."

Agumon started rapidly increasing in size. Muscle ripped and reformed. His previously yellow skin turned orange with blue stripes, and his head hardened into a brown helmet with three horns.

" _ **GREYMON!**_ "

 **GREYMON**

 **Level: Champion  
Attribute: Vaccine**

 **Attacks:**  
 **Nova Blast - Breathes fire.**  
 **Great Horns Attack - Impales the opponent on its horns.**  
 **Grey Tooth - Not sure what this one is.**  
 **Great Tooth - Appears to be redundant.**  
 **Horn Impulse - Attacks the opponent with its horns.**  
 **Tail Crash - Slams its tail into the opponent.**  
 **Fire Wall - Spews out an encroaching wall of flames.**

* * *

Greymon started dashing into Tortomon. This did not work.

He then yelled "NOVA BLAST," and blew a fireball at Tortomon.

The (very persistent) opponent walked out of the fireball unfazed.

Tortomon roared. His shell began to glow. He started throwing bits of it at Greymon.

And then it happened.

Tai roared "BIO CHARGE: ACTIVATE!" at the top of his lungs.

Muscle thickened. His hands turned into claws. His skin turned blue, save for a white patch on the chest.

He noticeably winced as his head turned into a more dragon-like shape.

" _ **VEEDRAMON!**_ "

 **VEEDRAMON**

 **Level: Champion  
Attribute: Vaccine**

 **Attacks:**  
 **V-Breath Arrow - Spews a high-temperature heat ray out of its mouth.**  
 ** **V-Breath Arrow** MAX - Concentrates its energy into a giant V-Breath Arrow.**  
 **Hammer Punch - Powers up its fist and launches a punch at the enemy.**  
 **Magnum Punch - Punches an enemy. Yup, looks like a redundancy.**  
 **Cutting Shoot - Uses its claws to create multiple flying blades of wind.**

"WHO WRITES THESE OVERLAYS?!" Takeru yelled.

Just then, Tai/Veedramon noticed something.

Whenever Tortomon used his Strong Carapace attack, a small section was unprotected for a half second.

So if he could hit it at that exact moment...

Tai/Veedramon jumped.

At the exact moment that Tortomon used Strong Carapace, Tai/Veedramon roared "V-BREATH ARROW MAX!"

A glowing blue arrow shot out of Tai/Veedramon's mouth and hit the unprotected spot.

Tortomon thrashed backwards, and exploded.

Tai glowed, shrank back down to human form, and fell over panting.

Izzy grinned. "That was bloody brilliant!"

"I really need to rest," Tai groaned.


End file.
